can i understand your pain

So i have met my mother theresa friend.


it feels good to be in her space.


she was much better already as the breakup has been for 5 weeks.


for the first time when i met her, i listened to her as she shared with me about herself.


usually when we meet for coffee its always been her asking about me.


and for me, i always talk about me.





but this time, i really listened and i did not want her to stop.


i felt the pain of a break up and i cried as i felt myself feeling the disappointment, hurt, and the uncertainty a partner could have for me.





i felt my own break up come back to life and i remember how it had to end.


this seems like the same reason.





since we both still love each other, than why must we break up?


why must this happen to me ?


well, i dont know.





one thing for sure, i still care for my ex


but i also do know that even if we both feel very deeply for each other, it cannot happen because we both wanted different things.


we were on a different chapter in the same book.


and because we both loved each other, we did not want to pursue and i wanted to settle.


because i loved him.





but somehow, it will find a way to surface up.


so its time to face up.


thats how i ended my 5 year relationship.





it will seem cruel . but thats pain. and trust me. never doubt why this has to happen.


because it really happens for a reason. because of this, i grew .


i cannot say if i grew stronger or weaker. i will not label it.


i just know that i did. and because of that, it surprises me how i feel now.


my perspective changes. the way i look at things changes. i feel good.


internally i do. i know that i am heading towards my purpose.





if i look back at it now, maybe the signs were already there.


like i said, different chapter in the same book. both of us enjoy and want to stay in the different chapter.


yet we both want to change speed so that we can both fit in the same chapter.


funny thing is we actually know it.





we appreciate and we know why we sacrificed for each other.


but its not enough, because its not in alignment with what we truly want.

first things first, do i actually like myself in this relationship?

does it feel like i have to "do alot"?

cause i honestly feel it doesnt have to be so difficult. it doesnt.




so anyway, here we are having coffee and crying like a baby.


so in the midst of this, she was sharing about how difficult this really is for both of them. its true. its really difficult. her ex was texting her halfway and because of something she commented, her ex suddenly just burst into tears in public.





that's alot of pain to swallow.





and my friend, with tears in her eyes said to me: i know this is very hard for her too. and i'm very sad i cannot be there for her.


this really crushed me again.





so my friend tells me this: ironically, you could be the best support for her. because you have had a similar journey.





huh . my good friend thinks i could be a good support for her ex. you gave you that stupid idea.


i get what she means. but i have a relationship with my mother theresa friend, not her ex.


i dont know if i am going to be biased. can i understand her?





i will give it a serious thought.